I have been roaming around the idea of putting my thoughts into word for a while now, 9 out of 10 times I dismissed the idea thinking it was a waste of time, “I already have too much going on, why should I add more things in my to-do list, why should I expose myself and my proccess?“. This changed once I watched Tina’s Huang video about how she dealt with the chaos that sprung recently in her life, how writing played such a powerful part in her path to regaining control of her own life. I highly recommend to anyone feeling lost to watch it, it really touches on some meaningful topics.
I’ve been going through a lot recently, careers change, two colleges at the same time, being distant from my loved ones and feeling like I had lost control of everything that I once had. I traveled two thousand miles in search for a new home, but instead I only found isolation from myself. The worse thing in all of this was the feeling of uncertainty, often I couldn’t find any motivation to try new things, study or even build the projects I wanted, because of the feeling of uncertainty, but what is this feeling and why I let it cripple me?
Uncertainty is the state of not being able to be sure of things, it’s the sensation of not knowing enough about what our actions are doing for our future, it’s the deep abysm of not knowing enough. Not to be confounded with ignorance, that is the state of not knowing, uncertainty lies with the little knowledge we have about the thing in question. As Zygmunt Bauman tell us:
“Uncertainty is the natural habitat of human life. The engine of human pursuits is the hope of escaping uncertainty. Escaping uncertainty is an assumed fundamental ingredient, of any and all composite images of genuine, adequate, and total happiness always seems to reside somewhere ahead: such as the horizon, which recedes when one tries to get closer to it.”
We are terrified of uncertainty and waste enormous amounts of time and energy trying to create the illusion of security, of controlling the uncontrollable. We curse the unexpected, because it gets in the way of our plans, and we don’t realize that it often brings with it just the challenge we need at that moment to change and evolve.
“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I didn’t realize this until recently, it’s really hard to plan and execute the things we think are important for us, but have little to no way of being sure if they are going to work. I let this uncertainty take over, I used it as a fuel for procrastinating and outright giving up on things I wished for, that was my biggest mistake so far. There’s always a risk we have to take while trying to evolve, there’s no way of avoiding it, we just have to soldier on and focus on the steps we’re taking. Day after day, task after task, but it shouldn’t be a monotunous or thoughtless proccess, it’s important to be critical of what we’re doing, and question our actions and reavaluate our path once in a while. Being aware of what you’re doing is the key to progress.
This blog section of my online-home, is my way of doing that. I want to document what I’m doing, thinking and living so that I can evaluate and think more about the proccess I’m in, I’ll talk about what I’m building as a software engineer and how I’m building it, I’ll talk about random topics that I want to, as well as personal topics, such as this post. I hope it helps me putting things into action, as it opens a platform where I can really think and evaluate my actions and perspectives.
So let’s start this voyage.